Mediocre: of only moderate quality; not very good.
Fame: the state of being known or talked about by many people, especially on account of notable achievements.
Shame: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Validation: recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.
Value: the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
Humility: a modest or low view of one's own importance.
Worthy: deserving effort, attention, or respect.
If I had a price tag on my forehead that reflected what I felt like my value was hour by hour, it would have so many blotches, price-reductions, and conflicting numbers that very few people would be able to read it. Let me share something: I want to be worthy. I want to be valued and validated. Really, at the end of the day, I want to be seen, known, and loved. But often times I judge my value off of price tags that others and myself put on me.
With millions of images and videos of successful painters, illustrators, writers, and musicians pressing in on us from multiple platforms, having the gift and/or desire to make art, write, or make music can feel oppressive. “Mediocre!” my mind yells. “Embarrassing!” my feelings scream along with the statistics. Overwhelming awareness of how my abilities don’t measure up or don’t match up, can suffocate my desire to delight and engage fully in the spheres in which God has placed me. I’m speaking for myself, but you may be able to relate.
As a young mom of three (soon to be four) living in this world of individualistic expressionism, picture perfect documentation, and limitless, virtual, social exposure, it’s easy to get lost. To lose our identities in waves of externally imposed expectations. It is also easy to get lost in the winding paths of internally imposed expectations, whether that is an ideal we have created for ourselves, or an internal list of laws we measure ourselves up against to determine our worth, value, and success as human beings. Both we and the world around us have placed price tags on our talents, price tags that are determined by the context in which we use those gifts, and the audience to which we offer them.
If the world around me doesn’t say I’m worthy, if it doesn’t validate my gifts and desires, if I never will be famous, if I never get that degree, if I never think my gifts measure up, if I never prove myself to those around me, does this make me worthless? Are my gifts useless? Should I feel ashamed of the aspirations and hopes I had as a little girl (or the hopes and aspirations I have now!) or despise the desires and gifts God gave me? If I don’t measure up to another artist, or if my opportunities are smaller, does this mean that there is no place for me to use and grow my interests and abilities in a meaningful, powerful way?
The opinion of man is like dust in the wind: rising, spreading, dispersing, gone. The praise of man is short lived, and no amount of it seems able to compete with my own negative internal voices. Why? Why is there an empty void inside that chews away at delight and free enjoyment of God’s gifts?! Am I defining my worth by how worthwhile the world tells me I am? Am I defining my worth by numbers and dollars, by productivity and cultural or social success? Am I defining my worth by my own internal assessment of how I’ve measured up? Every time I tap into these sources, the same message comes back: EMPTY. The world’s emptiness can’t fill my emptiness, and my own emptiness can’t fill my emptiness, no matter how long and hard I drink at those fountains!
We need to be known. And that is not the same thing as being famous, popular, or successful. It doesn’t depend on our skill level, number of sales, or followers. Two main joys of embracing the gifts God has given us are easily forgotten when we spend our time wallowing in the quagmire of purpose and validation seeking: the joy of being known, and the joy of knowing others. When we limit the use of our gifts to the spheres deemed worthwhile by the world (or even sometimes by ourselves), we often overlook our most significant audiences and opportunities to connect with and love others in a mutually uplifting and lasting way.
It’s taken me years to understand this, and I still find myself retracing the familiar roads of depression and shame associated with seeking validation and meaning outside of the validation and love of God. He has placed me in a sphere in which I can share and grow in my gifts at an incredibly personal and meaningful level, if only I will embrace and rejoice in the opportunity, and delight in and love the audience, whether that group of people is a concert hall full of fans, a group of coworkers, friends, siblings, or my own children. What a deep and sweet joy it is to sing to and with your children, to paint with them and for them, to dance with them. In many of these seemingly small places, emotional and spiritual connection happens in a way that has powerful and lasting impact. Regardless of how many people make up our audience, wherever souls are present and are connecting over true, beautiful, good things, there is no such thing as smallness or insignificance. In my experience, sharing my gifts in these spheres and times of life has deepened my experience of God’s love, and my knowledge and love for those around me.
Your value is not determined by how good the world tells you you are, how good your closest relatives say you are, or how good you say you are. Your Creator knows you. He made you. There is no price tag that can reduce the value of your soul, the value that God Himself gave you. He placed you in the sphere that you are in, whether private or public (which could change) and I pray that you are able to see and embrace the joys of what it means to experience the world as you, and the joys of expressing and sharing those experiences, perspectives, and gifts with the people around you! May your soul find freedom in Christ to grow and share, and joy in even the most humble places. In these small places, often unseen and unnoticed by most, deep roots of love, meaning, and truth begin to grow in our hearts and in the hearts of those with whom we share. Go to Jesus: He is unbroken identity and worthiness, and He is our identity and worth. Share your art, music, writing, or whatever gifts you have from this well. It is a well that keeps filling and giving!
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