A conversation on victimhood, part II
There are many ways to harm a person, and many of them are subtle. While some forms of sin against one’s neighbor require direct intentionality and execution, others can be perpetrated passively, over long periods of time. And intentionality is not a prerequisite to guilt. Sometimes people harm others intentionally, but sometimes they harm people out of unintended negligence or by carelessness.
Sometimes unrecognized pride within ourselves leads to unloving disregard or judgemental low regard of another or others that results in unkind thoughts and the withholding of loving words and actions. Sometimes these forms of pride charade as noble characters within us, ready to correct and save those we love, but instead devouring and silencing.
Some expressions of sin against another live openly in attitudes and relationships, producing threatening or demeaning words and actions aimed at validating one’s control or superiority in a given moment, or simply done out of impulsive disregard for the spiritual and/or physical wellbeing of others.
Whether harmful behavior is expressed violently or silently, with acknowledged mal-intent or with claimed good-intent, it is still harmful. And the recipients of the harmful actions or inactions, words or lack of words, are victims of those behaviors. As I touched on in my last post, the Bible does not advocate for an “equal guilt” approach to sinful human dynamics. Rather, the Bible presents us with a clear sense of justice wherein individuals, social groups, and nations are held accountable for their oppressive, harmful, godless actions against others, and wherein the oppressed, needy, and outcast are redeemed and restored. It is not simple, because the people who are sinned against are also people who sin against others, but the point being made does not contradict this reality. The Old and New Testaments are a story of God’s covenant of love with a broken people; a people who experience oppression and sin from without and from within; one that needs both God’s judgment and God’s mercy. The fact that all people are sinful does not invalidate the fact that each person is responsible for their sin against another, and that those who are sinned against are owed restoration. The story of God’s mercy is not limited to His grace for sinners; it is a story that often focuses on the restoration of identity and justice to victims of violence, oppression, and neglect.
Sin is uncomfortable and messy, and it is much nicer to just not engage with the disturbing ways it expresses itself in our political parties, churches, and friend groups, let alone how it may manifest in our own lives. In Christian circles we have developed conversational and relational tactics that help us avoid facing the real sins that harm groups and individuals within and outside of the body of Christ. Sweeping victims under the rug is much easier than seeing the carnage of their wounds, especially for those of us who feel we might be culpable, or not capable of treating the wounds of sin, or of fixing complicated, harmful situations. This sweeping under the rug takes place in many ways, resulting in victims, or their advocates, being reprimanded or disregarded in ways that dismiss the fact that they have objectively been sinned against. “Playing the victim,” or “everyone’s a sinner,” or “no one’s innocent,” or “it takes two to make a fight,” are common statements that reflect an attitude opposed to the concept of a clearly defined perpetrator and victim in a given scenario, but these cliches just scratch the surface. There are many more ways this denial of acknowledging the perpetrator and victim in particular situations expresses itself in Christian circles. In response to the discomfort of broken situations or confessions of messy wounds, do we not often jump to how the wounded person ought to forgive? Or how they ought to be careful judging? Or how God has been so gracious to them, so they ought to be gracious to the other person? Or how God can work in the perpetrator’s heart, so the wounded person ought to focus on praying for their perpetrator instead of dwelling on their wounds? Or maybe we even say that suffering produces righteousness, or that submitting to oppressive leaders is a noble calling. I would dare to suggest that many of us in Christian circles (intentionally or not) have encouraged other Christians to enter into harmful situations, or have taught others that God wants them to be in oppressive relationships, because the Bible teaches that they will not be bringing Him glory unless they submit their will within these relationships.
Why do I harp on all of this? Is it really necessary or helpful? Doesn’t making a big deal out of how someone is a victim feed a “victimhood mentality” that will ultimately make them more bitter and angry, preventing them from forgiving and experiencing the joy of the Gospel? That’s a good question. Let’s continue.
As a third party, facing sin is scary. We can’t determine clean outcomes or tidy, biblical solutions for our Christian brothers and sisters. Sometimes, it may cause us to grieve over people who were quite different behind closed doors than we imagined them to be. Being honest about another person’s or entity’s sinful behavior could result in being ostrisized, ridiculed, and dismissed. Seeing sins that have been committed against another person may even convict us of our own sins against others, or expose wrong ways of thinking that we have held onto as healthy and/or holy.
As the victim, facing the sin of a perpetrator can be even more terrifying. It could mean physical and emotional danger. It could mean facing the reality that we are not deeply valued, respected, and/or loved by a person or people who we deeply value, respect, and/or love. It could mean opening our eyes to gross sin in a person we really believed was not that way. It could mean making ourselves vulnerable for the sake of reconciliation and healing, only to be rejected by an unrepentant perpetrator, repeatedly. It could mean breaking down the boxes we had stowed our physical and emotional selves in; bringing to light aspects of our own unhealthy and downtrodden spiritual, emotional, and physical being that we had hidden from ourselves and others. Facing sins that have harmed us could involve facing sins of our own that have harmed ourselves and others. Facing sins inflicted on us by others could lead to more dysfunction of emotions, and more pain; it could even lead to the loss of our perceived familial, financial, and religious stability.
Calling sin what it is, is no game. As a matter of fact, it’s a declaration that you’ve entered into the war against powers of darkness. It is not the same as pointing fingers of condemnation, or casually judging others as we so frequently do to our brothers and sisters in Christ. It is not the same as analyzing and defining general categories of unholiness as expressed in the pages of Scripture, so that we can talk about the scandalous sins of people who aren’t like us, people who aren’t us. Until we call sin what it is within the confines of our own relationships, we cannot really help our brothers and sisters who find themselves beaten down in the warzone. Offering the medicine of forgiveness to a recurring wound of another’s hate, will not heal the hate that is eating their flesh. Acknowledging the hate for what it is may open the door for the medicine of the love of Christ to work healing. Offering the medicine of submission based righteousness will not heal the wounds of another’s tyrannical oppression, but acknowledging the oppression for what it is may open the door for the medicine of freedom in Christ to work healing.
Calling sin what it is not only opens doors for potential healing to people harmed by the sins of others (which is all of us to one degree or another), it gives perpetrators (which is all of us to one degree or another) the opportunity to embrace the healing work of honesty, repentance, and love, however painful it may be. Covering up sins sacrifices victims to our insecurities and to the sins of the person or persons who sinned against them (this applies to oneself if one is covering up another’s harmful sin against them). This dishonesty greatly disadvantages our fellow Christians who truly desire to have healthy, god-honoring relationships, and discourages healthy repentance. This is in no way a righteous practice, and it will in no way lead to righteousness; spiritual and physical brokenness, yes; self righteousness and an increasingly hardened heart on the part of the perpetrator, yes.
Now, I know it seems like I am primarily discussing more drastically harmful sin patterns in these examples, but I would like to mention that even in the less harmful back-and-forth dynamics of a healthy relationship, it is absolutely essential to be honest about sin that is committed against the other (what it was, and who it harmed) if the relationship is to remain spiritually wholesome. To wrongly address sin in a way that denies or covers up the responsibility of the sins one person commits against another, is injustice. To say that the person they sinned against isn’t actually a victim of their sin, is injustice. I would argue that even denying to acknowledge the harmful sin another is inflicting on one’s self is a form of injustice.
I am not arguing against forgiveness. I am not arguing against long suffering. I am not arguing against the power of prayer. What I am doing, is saying that when we withhold the justice (from ourselves or others) of honestly addressing sin, we prevent the mercy of properly facilitating healing.
For the love of Christ, set the victim free.
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