Relationships are the stage of humanity. On these diverse, challenging stages we find our humanity, or lack of, exposed. As the scenes in a play unfold, we see the scenes of our heart unfold, lifting up or crushing those around us as our values, beliefs, and weaknesses compete and coordinate for or against ourselves and those we interact with. Just as scenes in a play reveal conflicting subplots and characters, so the scenes of our relationships reveal conflicting stories and agendas. And as scene by scene exposes characters’ loves and weaknesses, so also the scenes that play out in our relationships reveal our own loves and smallnesses.
The stage is set, the music of our attitudes and agendas swells as we enter the rooms of potential conflicts, triumphs, and defeats. There are always battles, and we are always the protagonists, right?! But what happens if the love interest turns on us in anger, as if we are the antagonists? What happens if bad guys and good guys accuse us of not understanding, not loving, or even hating. Well obviously that would validate the fact that we are the heroes, right?! Counter-cultural, Honest, loving, Self-sacrificing, Men and Women of Integrity. Conflict and accusations just expose that I actually value what is on the Narrow Road, and all those other so-called goodguys have left the Good Way. Hmm. Could be. Scenarios and relationships may arise in which we find ourselves in the place of Elijah or Jeremiah, but it may not be wise to rush to the conclusion that this is the role we are playing.
Jesus told us that we shouldn’t be surprised when the world hates us (John 15:18-21). But what is our response when it does? What questions do we ask ourselves when people question or condemn our actions and motives? What assumptions do we make about their actions and motives? Do we listen? Do we care what they feel and think?
What is our response when our Christian friends and loved ones seem to reject and despise us? Are they now worldly? Have they left the Narrow Way? Could be. Why else would they hate us?!
Here’s a thought: Maybe the roots of some of their resentment, anger, and hatred originated in the void that our love was supposed to be filling
When we run into other people’s empty places, or broken places, and/or needs, our responses can be ugly. Some of us are masters at delivering dissecting, hurtful comments, you know, speaking truth that people just don’t want to hear. Lots of us are experienced in emotional waterboarding- helping people get over themselves and their worldliness so that they can love us better. Some of us are pretty darn good at eloquently addressing their wrongness with the right things, the things that will remove their mess from our relationship, finally fixing the problem. What we miss is this: we are empty too. We pour empty into empty, hurt into hurt, and lots of times we feel pretty good about it.
Do you hear me? I’m there. I think most of us are there in various ways and areas of our hearts. Lots of us find ourselves in the awkward and confusing state of being both empty and full: empty of love, full of hurt. Our hearts and minds are a confused mixmash of hurt, need, brokenness, hope, and homemade self-righteousness, which leaves us incapable of truly seeing and loving even those we most want to love. We need to love, and we need to be loved, but we are small, closed people.
Lack of unity with the heart of Jesus and His people, lack of understanding of His Word, lack of love, leaves us Christians in a very diseased place theologically with a crumbling worldview and decaying relationships. Countless symptoms of death and hatred, played out in our hearts and in our relationships, begin to surface, much to the astonishment of our fellow Christians and the validation of the angry world. While we think we are being self-denying and righteous, a light upon a hill, we are often actually spreading law and hopelessness. We justify our actions with our messed-up theologies and misapplied Bible verses. Our subtle hate, parading as love and godliness, usually has us more hoodwinked than it does the people around us. I am speaking from personal experience.
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. Remove the log that blinds me to the hearts and needs of those around me. Expand my shriveled mind, warm my cold heart, and restore my withered hands. Let me see my smallness so that I can see your largeness, and so that I can see and love the people around me.
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