This One’s For the Guys.
Hey guys. I’ve got a question for you to consider before reading this post: What do you think it means to be (biblically speaking) the head of a household, or the head of a wife? Take your time with this question, and assess your feelings on the matter.
Now, if you’re a man, you’re a man, right? So, I’m not going to tiptoe through this topic. My challenge to you as you read, is this: be strong and have enough courage to face areas of your heart, thought processes, and marriage that evil may be attacking. A little honesty goes a long way.
As a final note, I am not addressing the hearts and thought processes of Christian women at all in this post, and neither should you. Redirecting the focus in this way would be a form of avoidance that exposes fear and insecurity, or just an inability to stay on topic. If you catch yourself inadvertently doing this, try to quiet your mind and refocus. Or pray. You don't have to agree with what you read here, but you shouldn't be afraid to engage with my thoughts.
Let’s not waste our time further.
Thoughts on Biblical Marriage, #157: How to be a Biblical [Head of Household]
Whether you are a college football star, a well-studied scholar, Jeremiah Johnson, or Queen Elizabeth, here is how to live out your position of power and/or authority:
“But Jesus called [the disciples]” (who were indignant that some random strangers were requesting seats of authority, seats next to Christ’s throne, seats that were surely reserved for those, ahem, disciples who were direct students of Christ), “and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25-28).
Or, more to the point: “...and [Jesus] said to them, ‘if anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all” (Mark 9:35). How do Christians live out positions of power? Like the child Jesus subsequently took into his lap who was at the bottom of the authority structure and decision-making chain of command. Without pretense. Without arrogance. Without the misplaced folly of pride.
For practical take home application of these principals, consider these words of the apostle Paul:
“Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that He who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with Him” (Ephesians 6:5-9, emphasis added).
Because, within the household of Christ, according to the societal standards of the gospel of God, not the societal standards of varying human construction and maintenance:
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise” (Galatians 3:28-29). Jews, Greeks, men, women, children, masters, slaves.
So, “Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another” (Galatians 5:26). Instead, like the Head and Authority of this household of faith, strive to be in full unity with your wife, in a spirit of humility and love. “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4), remembering that even Jesus “though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant…” (Phil. 2:6-7).
Husbands, “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with [your wives] in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1b-3). Remember that you left your father and your mother, and became one flesh with your wife, so “let each one of you love his wife as himself,” just as Christ loves us as His own body, choosing to bring us into His family not as slaves, but as brothers and sisters, co-heirs with Him of the resurrection and the new earth.
If you find yourself struggling for power or authority within your marriage, and if you catch yourself searching the Scriptures for verses that qualify the authority of your self-, church, corporate, or culturally assigned position over another person, realize that you are walking in the footsteps of the disciples that embarrassing day long ago, the day that Jesus had to sit them down with some children and have a talk. You are walking in the footsteps of power struggles that are entirely contrary to the nature and mission of Christ. Put away obsessing over who owes whom obedience or respect. Forget about who owes whom what, and instead focus on loving others (in this case, your wife) as if they are equal to yourself in value and position, for the one who is focused on loving their neighbor has their heart in the right place (my summary of Romans 13:8). More concisely, instead of striving for control, respect, and recognition, strive to love your wife, not as someone in a lower position than yourself, but as yourself.
And thank God for His grace on us silly, twisted little people. He is abounding in mercy and steadfast love towards all of His children, so let's pray that His Holy Spirit will cover our marriages and dwell in our homes.
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