A few weeks ago I wrote an introduction to thoughts on biblical marriage. This week, at long last, I’ve officially embarked on an exploration of what the Bible has to say about marriage. My goal here is to read the Bible in order to understand what the Bible is saying. I’m not using any outside resources, because this is a SUPER controversial topic, and I really just want to know what the Bible actually says on it. Of course, this doesn’t mean that my reading will be 100% accurate, so read the text yourself in context to see if the reflections I share line up with Scripture.
Before jumping into the topic of marriage, I want you to know that the texts I use in this series of posts are big and rich, packed full of treasure that I don’t have the understanding or time to fully explore or give justice to. I have zero seminary training, and, sadly, do not have any training in the biblical languages. Maybe one day!
The Bible was given to all of us. God gave us this Word, freely- He does not conceal His truth from His people. I trust that He communicates what He wants to, how He wants to, when He wants to, to whom He wants to. So we are all free to read and learn what God has given us in His Word! The Bible doesn’t come with a list of prerequisites. Pick it up and see what it says.
I realize that marriage is a sensitive subject for countless reasons, and have spent quite some time praying over and editing these thoughts. My prayer is that my words don’t cause harm, but instead bring the gospel to the forefront of our minds and hearts as we think through the meaning of marriage in its biblical context.
Thoughts on Biblical Marriage, Part One: And The Two Shall Become One
“(18) Then the Lord God said, ‘it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ (19) Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. (20) The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. (21) So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. (22) And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. (23) Then the man said,
‘This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.’
(24) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (25) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
(Genesis 2:18-25)
I love that passage SO much. It is absolutely beautiful. The sense of connection, the complete resolution of lonely longing (“at last”) into full heartfelt belonging (“bone of my bones..”), is enthralling. What began with the story of a lonely, godlike creature, incomplete in his isolation, ends with a man finding and falling in love with one of his own kind. THE one other of his own kind. And it was very good. They were distinctly individual, each bearing the image of their creator (Genesis 1:27), but they were one. They could look at each other, they could see each other’s faces. They could hear each other’s voices and feel each other’s touch. They could share in each other’s sameness, and it was wonderful. Their identities were as intertwined as their substance- same bone, same flesh, same image of God, and same purpose (Genesis 1:26-29).
In chapter five of the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Ephesus, he writes:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, (26) that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (27) so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, (30) because we are members of his body. (31) ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
(Ephesians 5:25-32)
I am convinced that Ephesians, and this passage in particular, is an exposition of the creation and marriage account recorded in Genesis 2:21-24. I am only going to spend time on the last portion of the text for now, for the sake of keeping our focus honed.
In verses 28-30 he says that a husband ought to love his wife as “his own body,” and to cherish and nourish her as “his own flesh.” Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. You’ll notice that he adds a significant “just as,” and “because” before working through the second portion of the Genesis text. The husband will cherish and love his wife as if she is himself just as Christ does the church, because we (the church) are members of Christ’s body. Through His redeeming work, we are bone of His bone and flesh of His flesh. Our life blood is the blood of Christ.
In verse 31, St. Paul directly quotes Genesis 2:24. The declaration of marriage, so to speak: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Because of this sameness, this piercing knowing, this deep connection and love, because of this beautiful design, all summed up in Adam’s cry of delight, a man shall leave his family, his individual identity, and shall “hold fast to his wife.” And the two image bearers of God will unite in body, soul, and mission.
This beautiful picture, Paul writes, is about "Christ and the Church" (vs. 32).
In the beginning, God used the creation of the first man and first woman, and the initiation of their marriage (an intrinsic implication of their creation) to point us towards Jesus: how He searches for us, how He forms us, how unavoidable it is that the new creation of His people will result in their union with Him. Through Him we were created, through Him we die, and through Him we are reborn with a new and holy DNA. This is our end, and this is our beginning. This is what it means to be in the family of God.
I don’t know what your marriage is like. I don’t know its struggles, its strengths, whether it’s ending messily, or thriving. Or if you’re married at all for that matter. What I do know is that if you are honest, and if you see Jesus, what the Bible says about marriage should simultaneously break your heart, and be incredibly hope-giving. None of us are the perfect partner, and none of us have the perfect partner. Often what should be teamwork turns into arguments, what should be times of encouraging turns into times of belittling. BUT, ultimately marriage is not about your marriage or my marriage, it’s about the one who redeems all of our broken relationships, all of our past messes and present trials. It’s about His faithfulness to His people. It’s about the unity that His people will one day have with Him in fullness. It’s not about your faithfulness and goodness, or about your unifying love. It is about HIS. And that, in my opinion, is reason to hope.
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